After reflecting on the topics discussed in class a few days ago about race, ethnicity, and identity I remembered an incident that occurred while I was at St. Martin de Porres. The day was like any other, I had just finished tutoring young fourth graders and was heading towards the courtyard for recess. As I was walking out I noticed 3 boys sitting down on the benches just talking. I wanted to get closer to the students at the school so I thought what better way to do that than to sit down and talk to them during recess.
I headed over to the bench and I sat down. The three young boys looked at me then looked back at each other. I could tell that they were thinking “Who is this guy?” or “Who does this guy think he is?” Despite that, I managed to choke out a simple “hey wass up.” Surprisingly they responded, “hey…” I made contact! I took advantage of this situation to get acquainted and move towards formal a introduction. So I said, “What’s your guys' names?” For the sake of confidentiality let’s just say their names were Ray, Jay and May.
Thereafter we began talking about sports, particularly basketball and I was telling them I could dunk (I really can’t I just told them that so they we can have something to talk about). Amazingly, this simple chat led to a deeper discussion about race and ethnicity.
Ray looked at me and said, “What are you?” At first I didn’t know what he was talking about. What possibly could I be? Thoughts surged to my head. I’m a student, I’m a tutor, I’m a mentor, I’m an athlete, and well I’m just a human being. Then it hit me: could it be that an 8th grader was asking for my race? Why? I decided to play it safe and said, “Well right now I’m a tutor for 4th graders at Mr. Ali’s class. How about you?” “No! What are you? You know…” he responded.
I looked at him with confusion. With a sigh he then said to me, “Are you white, Mexican, Asian…You know.” I was flabbergasted. I just replied, “Well I don’t think it matters does it?” With a groan he answered “C’mon just tell us. Are you White?” Another round of thoughts came surging through my head: White? Do I really look white? Am I white? I decided to play it safe a second time and said, “I said I’m a tutor.” Then in a confident voice Ray said, “Yup, you’re white.” Then without much thought, as if instinctively I replied, “No, I’m Mexican.” Ray replied with bewilderment, “What really? Man you look white.” I didn’t feel comfortable talking about race and “what I am” at the school so I quickly changed the topic and said, “You know I could dunk over a chair.” Luckily they too fell quickly into this separate talk about me dunking over a chair.
This made me realize that race is deeply integrated into the social fabric of the middle school. In just our first conversation they already wanted to know my ethnicity/race/nationality. So after that incident I started to wonder if it was wrong of me to change the course of the conversation. Should I have kept talking about “what I am”? At the time I didn’t feel right telling students “what I am” and desperately wanted to just talk about sports.
Did I do the right thing? Should I have not changed the direction of conversation?
What do YOU think?
I think school is the best setting to talk about this sort of issue. The younger kids engage in conversations about the things that separate us, the sooner those walls will come tumbling down. You telling those kids that you're Mexican completely obliterated their notions of whiteness/Mexican. That could have a led to a conversation about the meaning and significance of "race." I dunno, just my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGood point!
ReplyDeleteI didn't think about it that way. And you're right i do feel that theres this wall that separates the tutors from the students. I think that every time to go that wall slowly deteriorates.
I also agree with Arturo, I think that school should be a space that students should use in order to discuss and learn about these racial issues. However, our current K-12 educational system has failed to serve these needs. I don't know about you, but I never learned anything about these controversial topics at school? It was until I got to college that I was able to explore and learn about all of this. But I understand your reason for avoiding the question, I think I would have done the same thing especially if it was my first visit.
ReplyDeleteWow, what an experience. I'm not sure what the best way to handle that situation would have been, but I definitely feel like you didn't handle it wrong. I had an uncomfortable conversation with one of the St. Martin students too, although not as uncomfortable. I was talking with a young African American girl, born in Ethiopia. She had her hair in braids and had barrettes at the ends of the braids. I am white, I guess. My hair is thin and straight and was in a ponytail. We were sitting at a lunch bench in the parking lot. She reached up and grabbed my ponytail, lightly, and said, "I wish I had smooth hair like you." I said back to her, "It's not always fun. It doesn't ever do anything. If I curl it or braid it it just falls out. All it ever does it just lay flat. Sometimes I wish I had curly hair so that I could do more with it." She laughed and said, "We always want want other people have huh?" I told her, "Ya, it usually happens that way. When it's something we don't have we only see the good parts of it. We haven't learned the bad yet." She laughed and said, "I wonder if we could invent a type of hair in the middle, then we could make everyone happy." Then I laughed and said, "Its exists. It's called wavy." We both giggled a little and moved on to talk about something else.
ReplyDeleteWhen she first grabbed my hair and said she wished she had smooth hair I got really uncomfortable. I thought about all of the white washed stereo types that exist everywhere from Barbies to the Partridge Family and hoped that she wasn't grappling with them at that moment. I was relieved with the direction our conversation took because I don;t know how I would have responded otherwise. I empathize with your insecurity, but I think you handled yourself well.
A tough situation that I often take for granted. I admire the response you crafted but question it's true purpose. Was it a defense mechanism or were you truly trying to cast off the distinction of race with this group of young men? Looking at it from your point of view, I can see it from both perspectives. I step into these establishments of undeserved, economically challenged, minority children and feel right home, seeing a piece of me in all of them. I step off the bart submerged deep into the ghetto of West Oakland and smile with an odd familiarity now realizing for so many this is not the expected response. So let me now act as a medium between these 2 very different worlds. Race a lot of intellectuals (as we all are) can be classified as a troupe, something arbitrary to be dissected and discussed in our sterile air conditioned environment. For the kids you were speaking with: it was a very tangible thing. With it brought entitlement, privileged life style, intellectual and social superiority; they were testing you, trying not only to classify you, but chose what lens they were choosing to view you through. Were they going to be impressed by you command of the english language? Not if you were "white". You visible accomplishment: were they championed by struggle and peril or a flick of the pen entitlement? All subconscious questions that occur. Just my opinion ;)
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